My girls! Nya Elise and Analise Hope
Today I celebrate life! My kid's lives! Nya, Will (we lost him in 7 years ago this month), and Analise and 3 other children that we lost prematurely and that we didn't get to name. I celebrate hope! Hope that tomorrow brings healing and a new day. I never knew what kind of journey in life I was in for. When I started this journey- I didn't think about the prospect of having any deep heart ache. You just know you are just living. Then the tragedy strikes, that is when I stood at the crossroads - while I lost my son - I didn't get to be my baby boy's earthly mama. I didn't get rock, feed, change, bathe, love with kisses and snuggles and all the other things that mama's do in the beginning stages of life. I didn't get to see his first steps, his first words, his first tantrum, and his first owie. I didn't get to tell him to settle down, don't talk back, be nice to his sister or don't be sassy to his mama! I didn't get to tell him how proud of him I am, how I love him so and that he is so cherished and loved for who he is! But as I focused on what I wouldn't have with Will, I had a choice at that moment! A choice to choose to trust in the sovereignty of God. To know the things I don't understand - He did. I had to chose Him and not the confusion that surrounded me. There were days I thought the tears would never cease. But I can tell you today I have hope through the tears. Joy through the pain. Hope of eternal life and that the heartache will be gone one day. Having the Rock as my salvation - (Jesus - my hope) is what I stand on. Most days I am reminded I don't have all my stuff together but I love that have I have a God that I can turn to that is bigger than me! That sees things in a whole different scheme of things than me. I am thankful.
Thank you for reading my deep thoughts. - Amy Louise