Sunday, November 07, 2010

hope in tradedy...

My girls! Nya Elise and Analise Hope

Today I celebrate life! My kid's lives! Nya, Will (we lost him in 7 years ago this month), and Analise and 3 other children that we lost prematurely and that we didn't get to name. I celebrate hope! Hope that tomorrow brings healing and a new day. I never knew what kind of journey in life I was in for. When I started this journey- I didn't think about the prospect of having any deep heart ache. You just know you are just living. Then the tragedy strikes, that is when I stood at the crossroads - while I lost my son - I didn't get to be my baby boy's earthly mama. I didn't get rock, feed, change, bathe, love with kisses and snuggles and all the other things that mama's do in the beginning stages of life. I didn't get to see his first steps, his first words, his first tantrum, and his first owie. I didn't get to tell him to settle down, don't talk back, be nice to his sister or don't be sassy to his mama! I didn't get to tell him how proud of him I am, how I love him so and that he is so cherished and loved for who he is! But as I focused on what I wouldn't have with Will, I had a choice at that moment! A choice to choose to trust in the sovereignty of God. To know the things I don't understand - He did. I had to chose Him and not the confusion that surrounded me. There were days I thought the tears would never cease. But I can tell you today I have hope through the tears. Joy through the pain. Hope of eternal life and that the heartache will be gone one day. Having the Rock as my salvation - (Jesus - my hope) is what I stand on. Most days I am reminded I don't have all my stuff together but I love that have I have a God that I can turn to that is bigger than me! That sees things in a whole different scheme of things than me. I am thankful.
Thank you for reading my deep thoughts. - Amy Louise


Nsima said...

Thanks for sharing your deep thoughts. This reminds me to look up to the cross than on situations that give me heartaches. I am glad you chose Christ amidst the chaos of life. May Christ continue to make your testimony beautiful. Love you and keep on pressing on

Erin said...

Beautifully written and wow, what a gorgeous photo! Love you!