hope in tradedy...

My girls! Nya Elise and Analise Hope

Today I celebrate life! My kid's lives! Nya, Will (we lost him in 7 years ago this month), and Analise and 3 other children that we lost prematurely and that we didn't get to name. I celebrate hope! Hope that tomorrow brings healing and a new day. I never knew what kind of journey in life I was in for. When I started this journey- I didn't think about the prospect of having any deep heart ache. You just know you are just living. Then the tragedy strikes, that is when I stood at the crossroads - while I lost my son - I didn't get to be my baby boy's earthly mama. I didn't get rock, feed, change, bathe, love with kisses and snuggles and all the other things that mama's do in the beginning stages of life. I didn't get to see his first steps, his first words, his first tantrum, and his first owie. I didn't get to tell him to settle down, don't talk back, be nice to his sister or don't be sassy to his mama! I didn't get to tell him how proud of him I am, how I love him so and that he is so cherished and loved for who he is! But as I focused on what I wouldn't have with Will, I had a choice at that moment! A choice to choose to trust in the sovereignty of God. To know the things I don't understand - He did. I had to chose Him and not the confusion that surrounded me. There were days I thought the tears would never cease. But I can tell you today I have hope through the tears. Joy through the pain. Hope of eternal life and that the heartache will be gone one day. Having the Rock as my salvation - (Jesus - my hope) is what I stand on. Most days I am reminded I don't have all my stuff together but I love that have I have a God that I can turn to that is bigger than me! That sees things in a whole different scheme of things than me. I am thankful.

Thank you for reading my deep thoughts. - Amy Louise

Faith...

Look at Nya Above! She has faith she can make it to the top...

Faith is a daily battle with me. Somedays I am great with choosing that He is control and other days I can't see past my problem. Somedays it is even moment by moment!

So today I am choosing to tell myself- He is bigger than the problem. Here are a couple scriptures I am turning to as my faith is being tested...

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)

" But let him ask in faith, without any doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven by the wind and tossed."(James 1:6)

Trusting beyond what I see and what I think that I have to offer to make what I want to happen happen... Having faith. Has He ever failed me yet? No- so I must stand on The Rock!

Psalm 40:2 (New International Version)

² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

Thanks for loving us and praying for us as we daily choose to follow Christ!

amy louise